I’ve always been really good about hiding my personal troubles during my radio show. I mean, to a degree I’ve used it as an outlet, but on March 1, 2013 I went all-in with a full-fledged ugly cry.
We decided to do a bit called If You Really Knew Me You Would Know where we solicited callers to call in and give examples of what folks might learn about them if they really knew them.
I felt pretty good going in to it and I knew exactly what I was going to say.
Basically, I wasn’t planning on getting too deep. Just hover up there on the surface stick to the basic stuff.
Then…it happened.
I let my guard down and when it came down, IT REALLY CAME DOWN. Like full-on Tsunami flood gates style. In that moment I really let EVERYONE in to my world. Something I do not typically do, even in my personal life.
You see, I lost my dad when I was 4 years old. On top of that I don’t have a great relationship with my mother. Although I’m very proud of the little family I’ve built….I feel lonely. Like something is missing. That’s the only way I can explain it.
The truth is, people who are close to me didn’t know I had these feelings. I cover up a lot of issues I have and always think to myself “it could be worse.”
Honestly, I think that phrase is the only thing that gets me through some days.
When I say “gets me through”….I don’t mean I’m hanging on by a thread or anything. It’s not that at all.
I guess that phrase allows me to, even for a moment, recognize what I do have. Doing that gives me the strength to love myself and love others around me. It gets me to see that even though I don’t have a father and my mother seems to hate my guts; I have a wonderful husband, son and friends.
Some don’t even have that.